So cutting my own hair might not have been the smartest idea I've ever had. Actually, in the scheme of things it doesn't really rank on my "why did I just do that?" list either... but it does make honorable mention.
Aka: The side with a million bald spots.
Aka: The horseshoe side.
(This doesn't have a nickname because there aren't bald spots... surprisingly. But it is super uneven; you just can't tell from the picture.)
-Hopefully Steve Sudia can work wonders and fix it. But I'm pretty sure we might just end up shaving it. And this may sound stupid, but the only thing I'm really worried about is the possibility of sunburn.